May 3, 2025
As I listen to the first part of this episode, I am so
thankful we aren’t where we were five months ago with our little
puppy. I will say - we are still considering getting rid of
him because while he is much easier for us than he was five months
ago, he is still a LOT. I was giggling with how I was
pronouncing words like diarrhea and nope. Don’t mind
me!
In this episode, we wanted to talk about this concept that his
recovery, and more specifically his processing is personal but not
private. Jason talks about some men are told that certain
things shouldn’t be shared - whether it’s what he is processing in
between sessions, what he shared in groups, with his therapist,
etc.
Since the acting out was in private, if we also do our
recoveries in private - then we are perpetuating one of the issues
that got him here in the first place: living life in a
container.
Here are some suggestions for men that are doing some decent
recovery work:
- Let her have a choice as to if she wants to hear what he is
processing.
- She can’t be the container he always dumps into - there is a
balance between dumping and working toward vulnerable intimacy.
It’s something we learn as we go and Jason speaks to this in
the episode.
- Awareness of “for” versus “at” when it comes to her emotions
after he shares - if he is mad at her, it might show his deeper
motivation was not from a place of being fully known (versus from a
place of well, she told me she wanted to know what I was
processing…).
- Awareness of data versus experience when it comes to what he
shares - we are looking for intimacy and vulnerability and his
experience of himself in what he shares, not just the logistics of
the day.
- Awareness that when he comes to her to share - it’s a LOT
for her - take it from me. So tenderness is critical.
For those men that insist on needing privacy - Jason, being
who Jason is and seeing the gray says - "okay, great, if you need
this for a season". I then say: I think it needs to be
less than a season. More like here and there but always with
the goal of coming back to being fully known and without
containment.
Bottom line: His demand for privacy is a barrier to the
relational recovery. The end.
We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season
#7.
- We will be planning the next RLW Retreat soon. Jump on the
interest list here if you want to be the first to know the
dates and location for the next one (hopefully for this Fall!).
- The WOHT workshop for men is SOLD OUT for April. Jump on the interest list
here if you want to be the first to know about the next
WOHT workshop.
- We are hoping to do the next Empowered Boundary class for women
this summer. Join the Wait
List to be the first to know when the class opens again for
registration.
- For more information on RL Academy, click here.
- We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support
groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites:
redemptiveliving.com and
rlforwomen.com for the full
scoop!
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